Sadly, Bug made some appearances during vacation. What a waste of precious time away from work and with loved ones.
Back to work yesterday. I had a heck of a time getting myself out of bed. It was feeling like everything I was looking forward to in the day were things I'd rather avoid or should magically resolve without me. I consulted a dear friend L who could relate. She sent me an e-mail essay, with a graphic description of an unreal and invisible but heavy suitcase that I might be carrying around. The suitcase contains the rules and mistakes from the past and fears for the future - put there by myself and others. Hence, she encouraged me to let go of the handle and live in the present moment.
For some time, J has been talking about how she listens and responds to intuition. Yesterday I was able to see that the times from the past that I regret are when I acted in conflict with the intuition - although I could hear it - out of fear. So the lesson isn't that I need to condemn or repair the past, but rather to learn from it and respect intuition over fear. The intuition will lead me now and into the future.
Additionally, it has been pointed out how I abuse myself mentally and emotionally. Yesterday I realized my habit has been to send loving messages to others but none to myself. How wonderful to begin telling myself: How far you've come; You are doing the hard stuff and making progress; You are wonderful; Sometimes life is difficult but not always or forever; You are doing well and just need to keep doing your best.
I just tried turning those last statements to "I am" and "my." For some reason, "you are" and "your" are making a preferable impact for now.
"You've gotta accentuate the positive
ReplyDeleteEliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between)
You've got to spread joy (up to the maximum)
Bring gloom (down) down to the minimum
Otherwise (otherwise) pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene"
I like the suitcase analogy. I feel as if I could be writing some of this myself. I have most of my life felt that I wasn't good enough.
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone! Lots happens when me make our stories known - for us and for others like us. You've helped me! And knowing that we can help one another, on some days, helps me get out of bed.
ReplyDelete