After some encouragement (thank you, friends!), I am back to writing. Hell it beats word puzzles, yucky paperwork, or freaking out about ... whatever.
I'm still unemployed and living in my parent's basement. (My mom dislikes that description because she thinks it sounds like she's relegated me to the cold, dank cellar.) So after nearly 9 months, I'm still unemployed with my bedroom in the my parent's heated and furnished lower level. The housing situation is explained by my being without a job. The unemployment - well, it's not from a lack of trying. Although I must say that the first 6-7 months involved getting a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, freaking out about my future, and then recovering from both these things.
Job hunting sucks under any circumstances. Add an unavailable spouse (due to her death), a dizzying relocation, and a lousy economy; thinks get wiggy. The diagnosis of bipolar disorder doesn't help, but it does mean I qualify for services at Vocational Rehabilitation due to a disability. (Great people, by the way, so keep this in mind should you or a loved one require their services.) The downside is that bipolar disorder is an "invisible disability" - typically best not shared with a potential employer. So a hiring preference or a reasonable accommodation is unlikely.
This week no fewer than three professionals told me I'm "doing the right things." I'm eating, sleeping, and exercising. I've got my resume and cover letters down to a science. I'm meeting people. I've been told to "network" (although in my experience, when strangers hear I'm out of work they respond with the equivalent of "good luck"). And I"m upgrading my skills in an attempt to make myself more "marketable." But still no job. This week in particular, I've felt discouraged.
Yes, I've enjoyed a few upsides. I sleep past 7:00 nearly every morning. I drink tea and search job listings in my pajamas or in an overstuffed chair at a local coffee shop. I decide the length and timing of my commute. I work at a pace that suits me. If, like today, my dad could use help shoveling snow or my mom could use help getting a box of books to the used bookstore, I am available at a moment's notice. Until recently I lived out of state for 20 years, so it's only fair that I lift a shovel or carry a box of books once in a while.
But it's amazing the hole in one's life without the presence of a job (retirees and stay-at-home parents excepted). Paid employment supplies not only a paycheck and an identity but also structure, purpose, a means of meeting and interacting with people, an opportunity to learn new skills, and of course all the things, services, or events that the paycheck can buy. Paid employment also supports the ego and offers a terrific distraction from other responsibilities. Best of all, paid employment greatly lessens the need to job hunt! Or am I crazy?
First let me say how happy I am that you decided to start writing again, and that you let me into your "private" world here. Also, how impressed I am with the speed at which you processed your new BPD diagnosis (7mos?!); some of us stay in that "freaking out about our future" mode a whole lot longer than a few months -believe me! That was far shorter than my bounce back and struggle to get "stable" in any kind of way, let alone ready to work! I am grateful you had your parents there to offer that support you really needed for however long it was going to take to get on your feet and work-ready. That was a blessing my friend! (not an impoimposition) Also, I commend your aim to share your very personal experiences publically. It has inspired me to share a little bit of my conditions with the potential readers of my new venting vehicle for public consumption. I have to remind myself that what we do, whether sharing or facilitating, is not about us personally. We are at the advocacy stages where we are in a position to share our victories in successful living with mental illness -as that hope for even one other soul to be inspired and given hope to pursue a fulfilling life coping with unfortunate (pesky little devils) diagnosis. I will also add that employment is truly something many of us successfully living day-to-day really desire to have that structure, edification, and accomplishment benefits that employment provides. For some of us it's even a self-worth factor, knowing that you're a functioning member of society.
ReplyDeleteLastly, in response to your conclusive ending question..Yep you're bat-crap-crazy-as-hell..but that's at the top of the list of why I enjoy you and respect you! Cheers!!